5 Gifts I Wish I Could Give for Christmas

This Christmas my neck hurts. Like a mother. It’s from the insomnia of wracking my brain figuring out how to give gifts that bring meaning, surprise or pleasure on some level to the people I love.

How do I give gifts knowing we really already have everything we need?

In a streak of irreverence and exhaustion, these are the gifts I wish I could give for Christmas knowing the whole industry of the holiday is for someone else other than the real people that matter.

1. A case of 21 bottles of water with my smiling face.

Drinking water is probably the single cheapest, most sustainable life cleansing ritual we can do for ourselves everyday. It reminds us to stay in the flow. It reminds us to take a pause. It plumps the wrinkles and cleanses us from the inside out. I can bet most of us forget it. I know I do. When you do something for 21 days it creates a habit. When you have 21 bottles of water with my smiling mug on them, could you really resist doing something good for yourself?

2. A photo of the person at their worst with the words “I love you”.

That’s what the ones that love us most really need to know.

This week trying to write a blog post sitting at Whole Foods I shook up my Kombucha tea absentmindedly. It’s funky odor exploded all over me in my cool writer with headphones moment. I had a pretty big audience to witness the uncoolness. I laughed and the world laughed with me.
I wish I had my Kombucha moment in a photo because it reminds me that the screw-ups are the best comedic material we have. The people that really love us will love us anyway when they happen. The rest is the bullshit. Knowing that kind of unconditional love is a gift.

3. A Blowjob.

I’m a mom. I have 3 kids. Time is precious. If I want a gift that is certain to satisfy and keep on giving, enough said.

Unfortunately, this only takes care of one person on your list. Two if you’re nasty.

4. A Broken Watch.

So many people on my list including me forget that time is the illusion. What are we waiting for to make the life we want to live begin? New Year’s? Death?

I had three watches break in one week leading up to the holiday. I think the universe was trying to tell me something. If it’s not broke, don’t fix it. And if it’s beyond broke, don’t fix it either. Start again. Right now.

5. A Single Blank Page of paper.

That’s what our life is each morning. We make it harder than that. There is no rule book. There is no hidden agenda. I lived a lot of my life believing the 10 commandments were my rule book. My parents were my rule book. The opinions of others shaped the games I played and the rules I played by.

We can leave our blank page empty and free or we can fill it. It is all good. It is simply accepting that it is all good.

I recently spent a day at a funeral with my 92-year old grandmother-in-law. It was the funeral of her daughter. She has advanced dementia and Alzheimer’s. I witnessed a human being that every 10 minutes has a blank page in life. She cannot remember the door she walked through to get into the funeral home. She could not remember that five minutes ago she learned her daughter had died and that she was the person we were honoring. She was free.

As I stood listening to a song her daughter’s best friends played in tribute at her service, it was as if I could feel her daughter over my shoulder, whispering in my ear in her elegant Texas drawl saying, “keep on dancing ya’ll. Maria, tell them to keep on dancing.”

My wish is that through the holiday craziness, the stress and expectations, we simply remember to keep on dancing. Don’t put your life on hold and the things that matter waiting for a man in a white beard and a red suit to come down your chimney. He’s arrived. The gift is you.

P.S. – I love you Jesus. I really do. Thank you for making me remember what seeing the face of God at the holidays is all about.

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